Chapter 1

I was born to be Alpha Valerian Eldridge's fated mate.

Yet he branded me "unstable."

He said emotion was a defect. A weakness to be eradicated. Especially for an Alpha's mate.

On the day our bond was confirmed, he clasped his latest invention onto my wrist: the "Mate Bond Stabilizer," a metal cuff that clung to my skin like a second shadow.

At the slightest flicker of emotion, the cuff would flash red. Then, Valerian would inject me with a wolfsbane-silver compound, "correcting" my "flaw" with the searing pain of my inner wolf being set ablaze.

But Briar, the woman always glued to his side, wore a cuff that glowed a steady, unwavering green—the symbol of a perfect match. Even when she contradicted him in public, the green would only pulse gently.

And me? All I had to do was whisper, "Valerian, I painted something new, I wanted to show you," and my cuff would erupt in a blinding red glare.

The punishment was always the same: excruciating pain as the toxin seared through my veins.

I used to argue. But Valerian's response was always the same.

"The data doesn't lie. Pain is the best teacher. This is all for the good of our bond."

After thousands of these injections, I started to believe him. I started to believe that I was the one who was broken—born to be out of control.

On the night of the pack's annual Sovereign's Gala, Valerian was taking Briar as his date.

Earlier that day, I'd lost myself in a painting, pouring too much of my heart onto the canvas, and my cuff had flared red.

He began the punishment.

But this time, the cuff malfunctioned, delivering a dose a thousand times stronger than usual directly into my veins.

I collapsed onto the living room carpet, convulsing in agony.

The searing heat of a concentrated dose of wolfsbane was tearing its way from my wrist to my heart.

The Mate Bond Stabilizer on my wrist was flashing a frantic, blood-red light.

The lock clicked. A flicker of hope ignited in my chest.

"Valerian!" I struggled to lift my head, my vision blurred by sweat. "You're back... Help me..."

My mate was an Alpha. The leader of the Sterling Crest Pack.

He must have sensed something was wrong. He was here to save me.

But Valerian just stood in the doorway, his Alpha presence a wave of cold pressure.

His gaze locked onto the flashing red on my wrist, and the familiar look of disgust twisted his features.

"Red again. Losing control again?"

"No!" I tried to sit up, but another spasm of poison wracked my body, and I collapsed. "I... I was just... painting... my inner wolf was on fire..."

"Enough!" Valerian strode toward me, grabbing my chin and forcing me to meet his eyes. "Five years, and you're still using these pathetic excuses? Look at your cuff. The data doesn't lie. Your weakness is an insult to my authority."

My vision was blurring, but I could still see the disappointment and anger in his eyes.

It was the look I knew best.

"Valerian, we have to go."

His Beta, Ronan, called from the door. His voice was urgent. "The Gala has already started. The other Alphas and the council members are waiting..."

His eyes lingered on me for a second, his brow furrowed.

"Shouldn't we... leave some food for Aveline?"

"Feed her what?" Valerian sneered, releasing my chin. "She already devoured all the caviar for the gala last week. The kind that costs a thousand dollars an ounce. If she's that greedy, let her starve and reflect."

I wanted to tell him it was Briar, but all that came out was a faint whimper.

The cuff flashed again, releasing another sharp, stabbing pain.

"Lock the door," Valerian ordered his Beta, his tone leaving no room for argument. "She's not coming out until the cuff turns green. She needs to learn control."

"Valerian, please..." I reached out a trembling hand, trying to grab his pant leg.

He recoiled from my touch as if I were filth.

Just before the door closed, I saw Briar standing in the foyer.

The cuff on her wrist glowed with a steady, gentle green light, like a halo.

She looked at me and mouthed two words.

Pathetic.

The door slammed shut. The electronic lock clicked into place.

The room fell silent.

All that was left was me and the poison fire burning inside me.

It hurt so much.

Valerian was right. The data doesn't lie.

The cuff is red. This can't be real. I'm just putting on an act.

It doesn't hurt at all. I can control it.

Tears streamed down my face as I tried to brainwash myself.

I don't know how much time passed, but the pain actually began to recede.

With my last ounce of strength, I crawled to my easel.

I had to leave something behind. That was the rule.

Every time the red light flashed, I was required to create a "painting of reflection" on my drawing tablet to atone for my "emotional outburst."

If I painted, Valerian would forgive me, wouldn't he? He'd give me the antidote, right?

My hand trembling, I activated the cold tablet.

The screen lit up with a gallery of my previous paintings.

I always painted the same thing: gray, blurry, lifeless landscapes.

But this time, I wanted to paint the truth.

A suppressed growl rumbled in my chest.

My vision was fading. I used the last of my strength to draw, tears streaming down my face:

I drew a shattered heart. Dripping with blood.

Next to it, I wrote:

"Valerian, I really do love you."

"It hurts so much. Why don't you believe me?"

"The cuff is broken. I was never out of control. I was a worthy mate."

"I just wanted a hug. I just wanted you to tell me everything would be okay."

"For five years, I never hated you. Even when the cuff tortured me with poison every day, I never hated you."

"If loving you means losing control, then I deserve to die."

As I wrote the last word, the pain vanished.

In its place was a lightness I had never felt before.

My body grew impossibly light, as if my spirit were about to drift away from my flesh.

I looked down and saw myself, collapsed by the easel, motionless.

The cuff on my wrist still flashed its lonely red light, like a bloodshot eye in the dark room.

So, this is what death feels like. And I still haven't learned to control my emotions. I'm sorry, Valerian.